I know, I know, Domino’s isn’t real pizza but it is literally the best there is in the food-blighted region where I live. In the last six months or so I have been “satisfying” my pizza craving with frozen thin-crust Margherita pizzas from Costco. But the other night I threw caution to the wind and phoned Domino’s to send over a medium pizza with hamburger and onion.
Remarkably, my local Domino’s has managed to hang onto many of the same delivery people for quite a number of years. The pizza arrived less than half an hour later, piping-hot. No complaints there! No sirree!
After giving the very personable delivery person payment and a tip, I toddled back to my desk with the pizza, grabbing the crushed red pepper flakes bottle on the way. I sat down, flipped open the box, sprinkled liberally and proceeded to nosh while continuing the card game I started shortly after ordering.
As I was eating the first slice it was pretty obvious that Domino’s had “improved the product.” Unfortunately, the “improvement” had turned what was a moderate health hazard into a full-blown health catastrophe. The gourmands in the Domino’s test kitchen came up with the brilliant idea of adding a half ton of garlic salt to the cornmeal used to keep the pizza bottom from sticking to the oven. Where before the corn meal wasn’t even noticeable, it is now ladled on to such a degree that the pizza must be held in a napkin to keep one’s fingers from becoming clotted with the stuff.
I suppose the good news is that by increasing the salt one hundred fold Domino’s has reduced by half the amount of “product” that a person can consume, so caloric intake is reduced, but it doesn’t seem like a great business plan. I don’t make a habit of buying food with the plan of throwing half of it away.
Apparently they haven’t heard that too much salt can cause heartburn (despite the presence in garlic salt of calcium silicate), osteoporosis, stomach cancer, high blood pressure, enlargement of the heart, edema, duodenal and gastric ulcers, exacerbate kidney problems, and in large enough doses it can kill you outright.